Sabotage
by Sarah the mutant farm girl
Summary: Autumn has fallen hard just like she swore never to do. The only way she's going to let herself rest is to test the man she's fallen for. But will bad luck with men lead her to sabotaging the best thing that's happened to her?


-1**Title: Sabotage **

**Word count: 3611 **

**Date: January 23rd, 2007**

**Summary: **Autumn has had bad luck with men, so when she finds that she's fallen in love with Dean Winchester she decides to test him.

_"Autumn, you swore never to do this!" _I berated myself. _"Don't you remember how much it hurts? Look!"_ My mind demanded my eyes to look at my wrists. "_See those scars? That's what happened last time!" _I quickly looked away from the thin lines across my wrist. Never deep enough to kill me. Never with the intention of dying. But the pain, the sweet pain had been enough. Enough to remind me I was alive. That I had a choice. "_What choice do you have now? You can leave. You should leave. Just pack up, Athena can handle being on her own if she wants to stay with them just go."_

_"Dean's not like that. He won't hurt you."_ my mother's voice said in the very back of my mind. I could feel her there always, though I usually ignored her. A mother's love is undying, long after she parts from this world a mother's love lives on in her child. She'll always be there.

"_They're all like that. That's what they do. Men hurt you._" I reminded myself, each word was like a knife to the gut. I fed off the familiar pain of it all.

_"Autumn, your dad loved your mom, he never hurt her. Love shouldn't ever hurt the way it did with Billy-Jack. That wasn't love." _God, Martha had joined the party too. "_Just take this chance. I promise it's worth it."_

"_No! What if he leaves? If they don't hurt you they leave. Your mom died and left your dad, could you take that pain? It's different you don't handle that kind of pain well. Think about Mary and John, Jess and Sam, Rick and Sage, could you do that?" _the part of me that was terrified warred against the sane rational part of me. The terror beat against the bars of the cage I had spent so much time building.

_"He isn't going to die, idiot!" _there was Athena, her voice was like a ray of sunshine in my mind. It was warm and loving the only constant promise in my world was her. _"Dean can't die, Sam and John need him. As long as they need him he won't let himself die."_

_"We needed Mom!" _the terror screamed at my sister. _"We needed her and she died! He'll die too!"_

I massaged my temples standing up and pacing the front porch of my cabin. Sam, Athena, and Dean, my Dean, all slept peacefully inside. They hadn't just met up with the demon that had tortured them from the time their mother died until they were rescued by John Winchester from an abusive boyfriend. I looked for it, somewhere deep down was the way to deter this demon. To cast it away and give myself a chance to think. To pull the voices in my head away from each other and listen to them each in turn.

_"Autumn, it's okay to be afraid. He'll understand." _I told myself. Me, the real me the one who could separate fears from reality. _"Dean's a big boy, just tell him that you're afraid. Don't ruin this. You deserve it."_

_"What if I can't get over this?"_ the voice the posed this question sounded like a small child. _"What if every time he touches me I recoil inside? What if every time he kisses me I still wonder if he's going to push it further than I'm willing to go? What if he gets drunk one night and just loses control? Billy-Jack did. He always did. When he was sober he loved me. SoberBilly-Jack was sweet, and thoughtful. He knew I was lost and alone and needed someone to hold onto. He never would have hurt me. Not until he got a beer."_

_"They're two different people, Autty. Dean won't hurt you. He'll never hurt you. Has he ever raised his hand to you? Ever yelled or lost his patience over nothing? He's a good man. You just need to give him a chance." _Rational Autumn soothed the child.

"_I don't know. I need time. I need a way to test him. Tell if…"_ the child was struggling too. The child understood me better than I thought. _"Tomorrow's April Fool's! Do something to piss him off, that'll be the test. If he takes it all in stride, if he doesn't hurt you_" The child's excitement was mounting as was mine. This was perfect.

I beat down the steps I needed to think, the best way to think was to move. I jogged toward the track and picked up speed. I ran while I mulled things over. While I was on the hunt with the boys and Marc, I woke up one morning, Dean's ear pressed against my heart his arm wrapped protectively, possessively around my waist. My nostrils filled with his musky scent, and my heart bubbled over with joy. I suddenly realized what I already knew: I was in love with Dean Winchester. His closeness, his warmth, his scent, it all over powered my senses and I could have died from the sheer thrill of him.  
Even when we'd just come off a hunt and he was still splattered with dirt, smelled of gas, his own blood smeared across his hands, and hair drenched in sweat I wanted him. I remember Rafael telling me once that sometimes he came across a person he wanted to devour based just on their scent and it was all he could do not to pounce on them and rip them to shreds right then and there. That's how I feel about Dean. Every touch, every look, no matter how small or insignificant, drives me wild. I want more, I crave him in a way I've never craved anything before.

I ran until sweat stung my eyes, my breathing was ragged, and my legs ached. I slipped inside, there were two things in the whole world that would send Dean over the edge. One was hurting his family, the other was hurting his car. If I wanted to test him. If I wanted to prove once and for all that he wouldn't hurt me. If I wanted to shut up the voices in my head and just enjoy the ride I was on being with him, I had to steal his car.

With practiced stealth I slipped into the house, his keys were in his jeans on the floor beside his bed. I knew because we'd sent Sam and Athena on a pointless errand after dinner so we could have a few minutes alone. It was easier than I had expected to get his keys, and I started the car up without worry. After sex he always slept so soundly nothing short of being shot would wake him. It was cute. It made me want to go in and wake him up in a way so much more energizing than shooting him, who cares that his brother is in the bed above us?

I knew of a little clearing by the river where the Impala would be safe. When Jasper, Mack, Marc, Athena, Will, and I wanted to just be people we used to come out here and fish, or swim. Though I was always careful not to come out after dark in the summers when Mack and Jasper were around. Marc had made the mistake once, though I don't think he thought of it as badly as I did, and found the pair swimming in their birthday suits. It was a perfect, quiet, safe place to park the car for the day. I'd grabbed a tarp off of the wood pile by the cabin on my way out and draped it over the Chevy, to protect it from bird shit and falling pinecones.

Despite the chilly air I stripped off my jeans and t-shirt, tossing my shoes aside and ran into the river. I stayed there until I couldn't feel my fingers, which didn't take as long as I would have liked, but the cold had lulled the voices. I dressed quickly as possible and trekked back to the cabins. I climbed into bed, John curling into my side, and fell into a restful sleep knowing soon I would have the answers I needed.

Dean was his usual self the following morning when I woke to him dropping down on top of me. My eyes shot open and I stared bleary eyed at his cockeyed smirk._ He doesn't know yet. _I told myself letting him steal a kiss. When he pulled away I caught a glimpses of Athena still sleeping in her bed on the other side of the room. He brushed my haystack of hair out of my face and pinched my nose.

"So, what are going to do, stay in bed all day?" he asked._ Good God, he's gorgeous with the sun coming in like that._ The sun poured in from the window over my bed and broke over his head creating a spot light.

"If you'll stay in here with me." I teased.

"Oh," he moaned stretching out next to me, John was gone. "If I could, you know I would."

"What's stopping us?" _Please don't be a trick, tell me he isn't about to spring his missing car on me._

"You have to go and put your stuff on display, at that damn bar." His scorn wasn't too hard to find, he hated me working in the bar with all of those lustful hunters.

"How does that stop you? I can just call in sick." I faked a cough, "See? I'm terribly ill." I watched his face light up.

"Then I have to stay right here and nurse you back to full health." He pressed his palm to my forehead. "You are hot, where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere." I bit back a giggle as he felt me up occasionally asking 'what about here?' to which I'd always confirm and he'd kiss the area.

"Bugs, Lula, you think maybe you could keep your hands off each other until I leave the room?" Athena asked blindly reaching out for her crutches.

"A little north there, Barbie." Dean maneuvered himself to straddle my hips. "Hurry up too! I don't know how long I can wait!" Athena groaned and hopped out of the room as quickly as her plastered leg would allow.

"Sammy! They're doing it again!" she yelled as she left, not caring about the double meaning of her words. I sat up capturing his lips with mine and entangling my fingers in his cropped dirty blonde locks. He forcefully deepened the kiss, I was glad not to be standing because I knew I'd fall. I finally had to break away and catch my breath.

"Dean, I've got to get ready." I panted. He rolled off of me looking more put out than I imagined possible.

"Can I at least watch?" I laughed.

"Baby, you can do whatever you want, just don't get in the way."

"No touching?"

"No touching." I nodded peeling away my blankets and fighting off a shiver from the sudden cold. Dean sighed and sat up.

"If I can't touch or get in the way I better go."

It didn't take long before he was in a mad panic trying to find his car. He drilled Sam and Athena before finding me at the bar and asking me everything I knew. I lied through my teeth but didn't fool him. I saw the anger flash in his eyes, and for a moment was gleeful, he was going to hit me and it'd all be over. I could finally douse the fire I kept burning for him, and move on with my life. It would hurt like hell, but I could do it. Instead he growled, balling up his fists and stalked off.

Dean made sure not to talk, or even look at me the rest of the day. That actually hurt worse than anything he could have physically done to me. I returned his car the following morning, and as his revenge he vandalized mine and kidnapped my dog. I wasn't sure who I was more upset with. Me for doubting him, or him for taking my dog and disgracing my car.

We weren't much fun to be around on the drive to Georgia, and the first three days there. But then I got a call from Kayla. There was no way I could unload that on Athena, she'd want to run back there and I couldn't face Billy-Jack and his mother. I'd been talking with him since the fire and he was doing better. He had gotten help, and seemed to be on the right road, it was only a matter of time before he picked up where he left off on the topic of 'us'. I had too much on that plate. Sam was another option but as bad as Athena, he wouldn't run back himself but would talk Dean into sending Teenie and I back. Dean sat down and listened to me, offering what little comfort he could with words he didn't know how to use.

After that there was some peace. Or at least the hostility was gone, but there was still a huge gap between us. I desperately wanted to fill it, but at the same time the terrified part of me wanted to flee to the hills. What if something happened to Sam or his dad and it was my fault? Would he go after Athena or the girls? We could work together, though. For now I could stand at his side, follow his orders, and get this hunt done. When it was over then we'd deal with our own shit.

"Teenie, I'm out. I'll be back after a while, okay?" I twisted my jean skirt straight and looked myself over in the mirror. The only way to pluck up the courage to swallow my pride and apologize was to hit a low I wasn't used to hitting.

"Where you going?" Athena asked watching me the way I used to watch our mother when she'd get ready for a night out with Dad.

"Don't worry about it." I ruffled her hair earning a glare and smack on the ass.

"Would you stop doing that! I'm not a four year old!" she protested my affection.

"Bye, Squirt." I grabbed her jean jacket, and a purse I didn't usually carry on my way out the door.

The local bar was having a karaoke night, and while I possessed some singing talent, it wasn't enough to win, and the only way I could get up on stage and sing was to get three sheets to the wind. I ordered a shot of tequila, asking the bartender to leave the bottle, while I looked through the binder of song titles. There had to be a song in here I knew, that summed it all up. Something that would fit my current mood. There were so many options I was ready to give up when I saw "When I Think About Cheating" one of my favorite Gretchen Wilson songs. It was perfect. I entered my name and song title, taking down another round.  
Men and women mounted the stage and belted lyrics off tune, stumbling around in their drunken daze. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach only mounted as time passed, then he walked in. I saw Dean enter, get a beer and head for a back table scanning the bar. He finally found me and his eyes never left my back. I flirted with the bartender, and several of the men writing a play in my head.

"Next is Autumn Hyde with I Don't Feel Like Loving You Today." a balding man with a large belly said in a clear baritone into the mic. I sauntered up to the stage and moved to stand next to the man. "Hi honey." he grinned. "What'd you think of Ole Chuck?" he asked referring to the man who had just exited the stage after singing Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy.

"If he's the cowboy, I'll keep my horse." I smiled pulling my hair over my shoulder.

"You ever trade your horse of a cowboy?"

"Well, you're a nosey little fella." I chided. "But no, cowboys are all heart breakers." he chuckled.

"Ya look like quite the heart breaker yourself, hon."

"Better theirs than mine." several people in the audience laughed and I found myself searching for Dean. He was standing at the back of the bar leaned against the wall, a table of women not far off were making eyes at him but he didn't seem to notice.

"How 'bout you sing for us?" the crowd clapped and he handed over the microphone. I sang for all I was worth, working the men close to the stage and when the song ended I received the biggest applause of the night. I threw back another shot before confronting Dean.

"I feel I should probably tell you I'm taken." I said walking up to him. He looked confused but didn't stop me. "You've been watching me all night, and it's not fair to the other women. I've got a great guy, already."

"Oh," he nodded catching on. "So where is Mr. Wonderful?" he asked.

"Probably out looking for me. We had a tiff and I've sort of been giving him the cold shoulder."

"What'd you fight about?" I shrugged showing it didn't matter now.

"As a joke I hid his car, God his car." I moaned the last part. "You should see it. 1967 Chevy Impala. Beautiful, sleek, sexy ride. It's…" I closed my eyes and sighed playing this up.

"Sounds like your in love with his car." he furrowed his brow watching me.

"Car crush." I smirked. "But I've got a great car myself. '65 Mustang." he nodded.

"Nice. So, you hid his car and he did what in return?"

"Stole my dog, egged my car, let the air out of two of the tires, and detached the side mirrors. Nothing, I couldn't fix with a couple hours and some elbow grease, but it's the principle of the thing."

"Yea, I guess. I'm voting for you." he nodded at the stage.

"Thanks, it won't matter, though." I sighed. This was easier than I thought it would be.

"Why's that?"

"See Erica there?" I pointed at the woman on the stage now, brutally murdering a Shania Twain song. "She's really an Eric, and the owner's son. See the money from this will go to his sexual reassignment surgery."

"Damn." I nodded in agreement.

"Athena was right." I said after a long pause and he looked at me, I mean right at me. "There is an underlying psychological reason for what I did." he didn't say anything willing me to keep going. "After Billy-Jack I vowed never to fall for another guy. At the time someone like you was as likely as nailing Hugh Jackman. I was doing so good too, then I wake up the other day and there you are. I'd fallen head over heels just like I promised myself to never do. I freaked out a little and… Dean, every time you touch me I wonder when you're going to ask for more than I want to give. Every time you pick up a beer I'm afraid that you'll get plastered and hit me. I keep telling myself it'll never happen but it's hard." I sniffled even though I had no intentions on crying. "I was so young, and had no idea how things were supposed to work. My mind accepted what he did to me as what was supposed to happen."

"Aut," he brushed the back of his hand over my cheek. "Why didn't you say something?" I bit my lip and tried not to look at him. His eyes were so full of hurt, that it made my heart and soul ache to see him. "God, I wish you would have said something."

"I was afraid." I admitted. He swallowed the last of his beer sitting down at the nearest table and pulled me to him. I sat in his lap leg on either side of him, arms wrapped around his neck so I wouldn't fall off.

"Aut, you should never be afraid of me." he coaxed. "I will never hurt you." Dean swore.

"I know, just be patient with me."

"I don't have anywhere else to be, babe."

"Good." I smirked. _So, this is what making up is like_. "Now, isn't there something we're supposed to do now that we've made up? You know to make it official." I claimed his lips for my own drawing him as close as our current position would allow.

"Aren't you afraid?" he teased when I pulled away.

"If I say no will you beg?"

"Winchesters don't beg." His hand slid through my hair, fingers knotting up in the shorter than I like red locks and he forced my lips back onto his. This was one of those moments where modesty was the furthest thing from our minds. His hand wandered up my shirt and I pulled him closer demanding more from the kiss than it could dream of giving me.

"Um.. Ahem."

"What!?!" Dean asked disentangling from me enough to answer the timid looking waitress.

"We're going to have to ask you to restrain yourself or leave." He looked at me with a smirk.

"And if we don't?"

"We'll have to involve the authorities." she fidgeted, obviously praying we wouldn't continue.

"I think we can finish before the cops get here." I said tracing his brow.

"No, ma'am, Chief Forman is at the bar." she warned. We both turned spotting the man. Dean nodded with a cocky smirk.

"You're car or mine?"


End file.
